Get a Positive Cycle Going in Your Relationship
By Duncan Nalos
Do you ever have a day when everything goes side ways? It feels like when things start going wrong they just keep going wrong. Like a streak of bad luck, or the onslaught of spiritual warfare. Do you ever feel like fighting back with an “I’ll straighten this out” attitude, only to have things get worse?
Having idealistic expectations is a set up for frustration and disappointment. The word “should” is a good indication that you have some expectations. Listen for the expectations in this quote:
“I shouldn’t have to tell him that I need some help with cleaning up and the children! Isn’t it obvious that I am tired. What is the matter with that man! He should understand what my needs are! I shouldn’t have to ask him for help. If he really loved me he would know what I need!”
What are the chances that this gal is going to get the support she needs from her husband? Likely he will run for cover when he feels her vibes. Her expectations are a set up for a cycle of further frustration and disappointment. His pulling back results in greater frustration on her part, and more withdrawing on his part, and the crazy cycle of hurt and disappointment is perpetuated.
The more we expect from people the more likely we will be disappointed. On the other hand lowering the expectations feels like giving in to mediocrity and second best. Ironically accepting your partner just as they are, has the affect of bringing out their best rather than the worst. When they feel loved, accepted and appreciated it motivates them and energizes them. Letting go of expectations and moving toward accepting your partner as they are can go a long way to breaking out of a crazy cycle and moving toward a more satisfying relationship.
The same principal of acceptance described in marriage relationships is true in all relationships. The child who feels that “no matter how hard they try it’s never good enough” will just stop trying and become rebellious and uncooperative, and when they are miserable they can have a significant environmental impact. Accepting the child on the other hand can foster an environment for growth and get a positive cycle going.
If you or someone you know is stuck in a cycle of frustration and disappointment and would like some help pulling out of it, feel free to give me a call at 604-850-0250.
Duncan
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Having idealistic expectations is a set up for frustration and disappointment. The word “should” is a good indication that you have some expectations. Listen for the expectations in this quote:
“I shouldn’t have to tell him that I need some help with cleaning up and the children! Isn’t it obvious that I am tired. What is the matter with that man! He should understand what my needs are! I shouldn’t have to ask him for help. If he really loved me he would know what I need!”
What are the chances that this gal is going to get the support she needs from her husband? Likely he will run for cover when he feels her vibes. Her expectations are a set up for a cycle of further frustration and disappointment. His pulling back results in greater frustration on her part, and more withdrawing on his part, and the crazy cycle of hurt and disappointment is perpetuated.
The more we expect from people the more likely we will be disappointed. On the other hand lowering the expectations feels like giving in to mediocrity and second best. Ironically accepting your partner just as they are, has the affect of bringing out their best rather than the worst. When they feel loved, accepted and appreciated it motivates them and energizes them. Letting go of expectations and moving toward accepting your partner as they are can go a long way to breaking out of a crazy cycle and moving toward a more satisfying relationship.
The same principal of acceptance described in marriage relationships is true in all relationships. The child who feels that “no matter how hard they try it’s never good enough” will just stop trying and become rebellious and uncooperative, and when they are miserable they can have a significant environmental impact. Accepting the child on the other hand can foster an environment for growth and get a positive cycle going.
If you or someone you know is stuck in a cycle of frustration and disappointment and would like some help pulling out of it, feel free to give me a call at 604-850-0250.
Duncan
Return to Resources Page
