Connecting well with your partner well involves being accessible responsive and engaged. If you can answer true to seven or more of the following questions I would say you are well on you way to having a secure bond. On the other hand if you can’t answer true to very many of the questions below, you would likely benefit from doing some marriage counselling. You might find it interesting to share this questionnaire with your partner to see how they would respond.
From your viewpoint, is your partner accessible to you?
1) I can get my partner’s attention easily. T F
2) My partner is easy to connect with emotionally. T F
3) My partner shows me that I come first with him/her. T F
4) I am not feeling lonely or shut out in this relationship. T F
5) I can share my deepest feelings with my partner. He/ she will listen. T F
From your viewpoint, is your partner responsive to you?
1) If I need connection and comfort, he/she will be there for me. T F
2) My partner responds to signals that I need him/her to come close. T F
3) I can lean on my partner when I am anxious or unsure. T F
4) Even when we fight or disagree, I know that I am important to my partner and we
will find a way to come together. T F
5) If I need reassurance about how important I am to my partner, I can get it. T F
Are you positively emotionally engaged with each other?
1) I feel very comfortable being close to and trusting my partner. T F
2) I can confide in my partner about almost anything. T F
3) I feel confident, even when we are apart, that we are connected with each other.
T F
4) I know that my partner cares about my joys, hurts and fears. T F
5) I feel safe enough to take emotional risks with my partner. T F
From your viewpoint, is your partner accessible to you?
1) I can get my partner’s attention easily. T F
2) My partner is easy to connect with emotionally. T F
3) My partner shows me that I come first with him/her. T F
4) I am not feeling lonely or shut out in this relationship. T F
5) I can share my deepest feelings with my partner. He/ she will listen. T F
From your viewpoint, is your partner responsive to you?
1) If I need connection and comfort, he/she will be there for me. T F
2) My partner responds to signals that I need him/her to come close. T F
3) I can lean on my partner when I am anxious or unsure. T F
4) Even when we fight or disagree, I know that I am important to my partner and we
will find a way to come together. T F
5) If I need reassurance about how important I am to my partner, I can get it. T F
Are you positively emotionally engaged with each other?
1) I feel very comfortable being close to and trusting my partner. T F
2) I can confide in my partner about almost anything. T F
3) I feel confident, even when we are apart, that we are connected with each other.
T F
4) I know that my partner cares about my joys, hurts and fears. T F
5) I feel safe enough to take emotional risks with my partner. T F