Our sense of well being is deeply affected by how we think.  Solomon said as a man thinks so is he (Pr. 23:7).  My intention as a counsellor is to provide some food for healthy thinking.  Affirming the following basic truths will help us come to peace with ourselves and with God. 


1) I am deeply loved and valued by the God of the universe.
John 3:16  God so loved the world ...

The God of the universe keeps inviting me to engage with him in relationship, and I choose to embrace that relationship even though there are times when I can’t fully understand what that means.

Gen. 1:27  God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him;  male and female he created them. 

Thank you that you created me to be a reflection of yourself a person with a capacity for love and relationship, with a capacity to know what is right and wrong, with a desire to live.  

Thank you for creating me!

Ps 139:1-3  O Lord, you have searched me and you know me.  You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar.  You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways.

Thank you that you know where I go and what I do.
You know me better than I know myself.  You know where I am at, and you read me like a book.

Ps. 139:16  Your eyes saw my unformed body.  All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.

Thank you that you care deeply about the details of my life. 
You even know the number of days that I will live.
Thank you that my life is in your hands.  

Jesus says in Luke 12:7:  Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.

You even know the number of hairs on my head.  

John 1:12  To all who received him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God.

Thank you that you invite me to be your child.

In John 15:15 Jesus said to his disciples:  I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master's business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you.

Thank you that you are willing to be my friend, to share yourself and everything that you have learned with me.

In Matt 11:28-30 Jesus says:  Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.

Thank you that you are willing to come along side of me and lighten my burden and give me rest.  
Thank you that you are able to protect me from burn out.
Thank you that you are gentle humble and approachable.
Thank you that I am not alone.

Hebrews 4:16  Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.

Thank you that I can come confidently before you.




2) I can face my worst fears and failures and move on into freedom.

1 John 1: 8,9  If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us.  If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.

I’m tired of pretending that everything is okay when its not.  I don’t want to hide behind a phony mask.  I would rather be authentic even if it means that some people will look down on me.
It’s really hard for me to admit my weaknesses, failures and things that I feel ashamed about.  I would rather bury them and never acknowledge them.  When I think of these things I hate myself.  
I know that holding this toxic stuff inside is destroying me.
Instead of running away from the things I am most embarrassed and ashamed of, I choose to embrace them, talk about and own them, and extricate myself from their power.
I realize that I need to stop holding this stuff inside.  I realize I need to ask for forgiveness.
I have the strength and courage to be honest with myself, admit where I have gone wrong and learn from my mistakes.  
I choose to take responsibility for the things that I have done that are wrong, and make amends.
Thank you that when I am honest with myself you offer forgiveness and a chance for a new start.

Rom. 8:1  Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus ...

Even though I feel like I deserve to be condemned you offer forgiveness.

James 5:16  Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed.

I am willing to face and embrace my worst fears, my most painful memories, and anything else I have been running from, so that I can be cleansed and healed.
I choose to stop running, to stop hiding and become authentic.
I choose to go on a journey toward healing and cleansing.

Phil. 2:3-4   Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.

It’s tough yielding my rights to have things the way I want them, and to put others first.  Living an unselfish life is hard for me.  If I want to change the world I need to start with changing me.  I realize that trying to change others doesn't work.

Gal. 2:20  I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.

I choose to die to what I was, and embrace my new life.  I exchange my old life for my new life in Christ.

John 8:32  Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.

John 8:36  So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed.
I choose the pathway toward freedom healing and cleansing.  

1 Peter 1:6  ... now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire, may be proved genuine ...

My resolve to journey toward healing cleansing and freedom, will no doubt be tested.  I will likely have set backs and failures, but I choose to allow these to refine me and make me stronger.
I choose a lifestyle of learning.
I want to keep walking toward the light even though there are parts of me that resist change and growth.




3) Because I am Loved I don’t need to live in fear.

1 John 4:18  There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear.
When I sense the presence of a loving God my fears subside.

Ps 34:4  I sought the LORD, and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears.

Thank you that I can turn to you when I am afraid. 
Thank you that I am not alone.

Is.41:10  So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God.  I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.



4) Because I am loved I can love myself and take good care of myself.

Ps.127:2  In vain you rise early and stay up late toiling for food to eat, for he grants sleep to those he loves.

Thank you that you watch over me and care about how much sleep I get.
I choose to go to bed at a time that is appropriate for me.

Gen. 1:29  I give you every seed-bearing plant on the face of the whole earth and every tree that has fruit with seed in it. They will be yours for food.

Thank you that you created all kinds of nutritious food options.  

1 Cor. 3:16   Don’t you know that you yourselves are God’s temple and that God’s Spirit lives in you?

Because my body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, I choose to be thoughtful about what I eat as well as how much.
I choose to allow my hunger to guide me in how much I eat.
I affirm that I feel physically better when I eat the right amount of food.

Mark 1:16  Jesus walked beside the Sea of Galilee ...

My body wasn’t designed to sit in a chair all day.  Help me to keep physically active.

Phil. 4:19 And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus.

Thank you that you care about all of my needs.

John 16:24  Until now you have not asked for anything in my name. Ask and you will receive, and your joy will be complete.

Because I am loved, I can ask for what I need.
Thank you that when I exercise my faith and ask for what I need, you take pleasure in answering.

Jm. 1:5  If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him.

I would like to ask for wisdom.

1 Kings 3:5  The Lord appeared to Solomon during the night in a dream, and God said, “Ask for whatever you want me to give you.”

He asked for a discerning heart to govern his people and to distinguish between right and wrong.

1 Kings 3:10-12  The Lord was pleased that Solomon had asked for this. So God said to him, “Since you have asked for this and not for long life or wealth for yourself, nor have asked for the death of your enemies but for discernment in administering justice, I will do what you have asked. I will give you a wise and discerning heart, so that there will never have been anyone like you, nor will there ever be. Moreover, I will give you what you have not asked for—both riches and honor—so that in your lifetime you will have no equal among kings. 




5) I have been given special gifts

Is. 64:8   We are the clay, you are the potter; we are all the work of your hand.

Eph. 2:10  For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.

Thank you that you have had a hand in shaping my personality, spiritual gifts, abilities and life experiences all for purposes that you have in store for me.
You have used the very issues I have struggled with to equip me to help others who face similar issues.  
You have given me a heart and a passion to help people who have gone through some of the same experiences that I have lived through.  
Thank you that you are molding me and shaping me and preparing me  for things that you have in store for me down the road.  
Thank you that you have a niche for me to fill that is uniquely shaped for who I am.

Rev. 3:8  I know your deeds.  See, I have placed before you an open door that no one can shut.  

Thank you that you bring opportunities across my path.
Thank you that the work that you have called me to do is a good fit for me.

1Peter 2:4-5  Come to him, the living Stone—rejected by men but chosen by God and precious to him— you also, like living stones, are being built into a spiritual house ...

Thank you that I can build my life on a solid cornerstone, and that I fit into a specific place in your work.
Thank you that I belong.




6) I’m learning to handle the difficult people in my life in a positive way.

Matt. 5:43  But I tell you: Love your enemiesand pray for those who persecute you.

I have some high maintenance relationships in my life that challenge me.

Rom.12:18  If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.

I realize that it is not always possible to live a peace with everyone.  Some people are impossible, yet I choose as far as it depends upon me to get along as best as I can with everyone.
I choose to not to cut myself off from others (except in the cases of abuse) because cut offs like divorce deeply affect so many lives.
Treating people like trash, as in emptying the can and moving on, is inconsistent with your love for people. 

Rom. 5:8  But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

You loved the very people who put you on the cross.
I can choose to love the difficult people in my life because you chose to love me.
I can have healthy boundaries in my relationships to protect myself from being hurt or taken advantage of.

James 5:12  Let your “Yes” be yes, and your “No,” no.

I don’t have to say yes to everything people ask me to do, I can say no.

Matt 7:6  Do not throw your pearls to pigs.

I need to be discerning about who I share my heart with lest they turn around and hurt me.

John 2:24   But Jesus would not entrust himself to them, for he knew all men.  He did not need man’s testimony about man, for he knew what was in a man.

I can exercise some discernment when it comes to who I should trust.





7) I can handle my conflicts in a positive way

James 1:19 My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.

I can listen to others even when I disagree.
I can try to see things from their point of view.
I can acknowledge what I hear them saying so that they feel understood and respected.
I can seek to love and accept others just as they are rather than trying to change them.
I choose not to talk about others behind their back.
I will seek in as much as possible to avoid having secrets that alienate a third party.

 Eph. 4:15  says:  Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will in all things grow up ...

I choose to speak the truth in love, rather than holding all my thoughts and feelings inside and pretending I’m okay.
It’s not God’s plan for me to be a door mat.
I don’t want to train people to take advantage of me and use me, by being nice, and going along with things that I disagree with.
I can have a backbone.  I can find my voice.  I can be assertive.  
When I stand up for myself people will learn to respect me.
When facing a conflict I can stand up for myself and say what I truly feel and think. 

Matt. 6:14  For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.

I have a God given capacity to forgive people.
I am not interested in blaming others and holding on to grudges.

Eph. 4:26-27  “In your anger do not sin” : Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.

I choose to forgive others because in so doing I get their toxicity out of my blood stream.  




8) I am choosing a lifestyle of peace and contentment.

1Tim. 6:6 But godliness with contentment is great gain.

I can learn to be content with what I have. 

Matt. 6:33  But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.

I choose to focus on doing what is right rather than the accumulating more stuff.

Ps. 119:165  Great peace have they who love your law, and nothing can make them stumble.... nothing shall offend them.

I  will not allow the hypocrisy of others to hinder me from having a genuine relationship with God.

Phil 4:6-7  Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Even though I feel anxious and out of control at times I choose to pray about whatever is causing me to feel anxious and put it in God’s hands, trusting that He can handle it.

Lk.8:24  The disciples went and woke him, saying, “Master, Master, we’re going to drown!”  He got up and rebuked the wind and the raging waters; the storm subsided, and all was calm.

Thank you that you offer me peace in the midst of life’s storms.
Thank you that you can calm the storm in me.

Matt. 6:25-26  Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?

I don’t need to horde any thing because I trusting God to supply all of my needs.

Matt. 6:34   Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

I choose to live in the present.
I choose to live one day at a time.

Phil. 3:13-14   Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead.

I realize that it is important to make peace with my past.
I also choose not to live in the past or to be stuck there indefinitely but to move on.  
I choose to embrace my future and I look forward to the good things that are in store for me.

Rom. 8:28  And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

I choose to look for the good in all situations even in times of difficulty.




9) I’m  learning to reduce the stress in my life.

1 Pet. 5:7  Casting all your anxiety on Him, because He cares for you.

Thank you that you care about whatever is stressing me out, and that you are willing to carry my load of troubles.

Prov. 12:25  Anxiety in a man's heart weighs it down, but a good word makes it glad.

Thank you that when I feel weighed down by life you lift me up.

Ps. 121:1-8  I will lift up my eyes to the mountains; from whence shall my help come? My help comes from the Lord, who made heaven and earth. He will not allow your foot to slip; He who keeps you will not slumber.  Behold, He who keeps Israel will neither slumber nor sleep.  The Lord is your keeper; the Lord is your shade on your right hand. The sun will not smite you by day, nor the moon by night. The Lord will protect you from all evil; He will keep your soul.  The Lord will guard your going out and your coming in from this time forth and forever.

Thank you for your help and constant protection.

1 Thes. 5:18  In everything give thanks; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.

In spite of my circumstances I choose to have a positive attitude. 

Phil. 4:6-7  Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.  And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

When I pray I experience your peace even in the midst of trouble.  It makes no sense, yet you give me peace.

Jn.14:27  Peace I leave with you; My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you.  Do not let your heart be troubled, nor let it be fearful.
Thank you for speaking your peace into my life and calming me.


Ps. 46: 1-3  God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth should change and though the mountains slip into the heart of the sea; though its waters roar and foam, though the mountains quake at its swelling pride.

Even though difficulties are guaranteed to come and even though they may be catastrophic and overwhelming, we can find refuge and strength in God.

John 15:1,2   I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener.  He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes  so that it will be even more fruitful.

I ask God to remove things from my life that sap my energy.
I invite God to show me where he wants me to concentrate my efforts so I can be more effective.
I have the rest of my life ... all the time I need to do the things that are most important.  
I do not need to be driven by the tyranny of the urgent.
I choose not to rush through life but to slow down, take my time, and enjoy the journey.

Num. 32:23, Acts 24:16  ... be sure your sin will find you out. 

I choose to be honest with those around me, because the truth about me will eventually come out.

Acts 24:16  So I strive always to keep my conscience clear before God and man.

When I am honest I don’t have to stress about what I said or did not say.
When there is cognitive consistency between who I am on the inside and what people see on the outside, I will  be healthier and happier.




10) I realize that much of what happens in life is outside of my control and I choose to accept the
      hand in life that I have been dealt.

I’m leaning to let go and let God.

Is. 55: 8,9  For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,  declares the Lord.  As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.

I am comforted by the thought that God knows much more than I do about what’s going on in my life, and I’m willing to trust him for what comes my way.
I’m happy to surrender to God things that I cannot change.
Its pointless to get all bent out of shape over things beyond my control.
The energy I would have wasted by being angry and frustrated, I can use to learn and grow.  

Rom. 8:18  I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.

In the big picture the span of our  lives is short compared to an eternity with God,  and if I consider the troubles I’m currently experiencing from the perspective of eternity they are dwarfed.  God’s perspective is really hard to grasp at times,  but I don’t need to have all my questions answered in this life; I can wait.  I will have an eternity with God to figure it all out.

Job 38:3-4  Brace yourself like a man; I will question you, and you shall answer me.  Where were you when I laid the earth's foundation?  Tell me, if you understand.

It’s not for me to question God and demand an answer as though I were his judge.
Even though I may be suffering without a known reason, as was Job, I trust that God knows more than I do about what is going on,  and I choose to humble myself before him.

1Pet. 5:5-7  God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble. Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time.  

When I humble myself, I open myself up to receive the grace of God.

Rom. 5:3-5  ... we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.  And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.

As I stop fighting it, and embrace my suffering, some truly miraculous things are going on inside of me.  The emptiness I felt inside is being filled up.  God is pouring himself into me, and filling me with  love and hope.





11)  I have an inner battle that I have to overcome.

Rom. 7:14  For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. 

I recognize that part of me wants to do what is right, and part of me wants to give in and, self sabotage.

Mark 14:38  Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the body is weak.

Even though there is part of me that just wants to “do what I want to do” regardless of how destructive it may be, I recognize that there is another part of me that wants to do what is right.
I choose to strengthen that part of me, “my inner spirit”, that wants to do what is right.

Phil. 4:8   Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable if anything is excellent or praiseworthy think about such things. 

I choose to keep focusing myself on affirming the truth and the beauty around me in order to strengthen my spirt.

Proverbs 4:23  Above all else, guard your heart,  for it is the wellspring of life.

I also choose to be intentional about what I put into my mind.  

Prov. 25:28  Like a city whose walls are broken down is a man who lacks self-control.

I choose to exercise self control and maintain healthy boundaries.  I don’t want any enemies coming over my wall!

2 Cor. 10:3-5  For though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does. The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds.  We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. 

I recognize that I am in a spiritual battle for my mind, and that I can overcome the lies inside of me by affirming the truth.
Some the lies that I tell myself have their roots in something that happened to me in the past. 
If there is something in my past that I need to deal with God can bring it to my mind.
With God’s help I can bring these memories into the light and experience healing.  
I don’t have to let the hurts in my past block me from living in the present.  That was then and this is now.

Phil. 3:13  Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead ...

I don’t need to be stuck in the past, I can work through my past hurts, and move ahead.

Is. 43:18-19   Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past.  See, I am doing a new thing!  Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? 

I look forward to the time when I can shift my focus from the past, and begin to focus on the future.  
Open my eyes so I can perceive the new things that you are doing in my life.





12) I am being given strength from God to face the challenges before me.

2 Cor. 12:9 says:  My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.

When I feel weak and incapable I tend to depend on God more and that’s when He really shines through for me. 
When I feel that I can handle it on my own, that is when I tend to flounder and make a mess of things.
Help me Lord to learn to depend upon you more, even when it comes to things I think I should be able to  handle. 

Is.40:31  Those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength.  They will soar on wings like eagles;  they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.

Waiting on God is hard for me at times.  I get impatient and want things to happen on my schedule.
Yet when I wait on you I experience the uplifting power of your Holy Spirit and I have the strength to keep on keeping on.
So much can be accomplished by a steady plodder. 
It’s not the hare that wins the race but the turtle.

Rom. 5:3-5  Wealso rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit.

Thank you that when I persevere through my difficulties I am building character and hope, and your love is being poured into my heart.  Thank you for filling me with your Holy Spirit.

Jn. 7:38  Whoever believes in me, as the Scripture has said, streams of living water will flow from within him.

Thank you for for the refreshing power and love that wells up in my life because of your presence in me. 

1 Cor. 3:16   Don’t you know that you yourselves are God’s temple and that God’s Spirit lives in you?

Thank you that you do indeed live in me.




13) In-spite of it all I can face the future with hope.

Prov. 24:16  For though a righteous man falls seven times, he rises again ...

Even though I mess up fairly badly at times, you have a way of putting me back on track.

Lk.22:32  Satan has asked to sift you as wheat.   But I have prayed for you, Simon, that your faith may not fail. And when you have turned back, strengthen your brothers.

Even when I blow it big time, some how you show up in my life and kick start my faith again.
I think God must be the eternal optimist.  He just never gives up on me.

Eph. 3:20  Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us   ...

I wonder what God would like to do with my life if I put it back in his hands?

Jer. 29:11  “I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future”.

John 10:10  I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full. 

I wonder what life to the full would look like in my case?
When I get off track, I miss out on God’s fabulous plans for a full and meaningful life.
In spite of messing up at times, I choose to get back on track, and go with His plans.

Mk. 10:27  With man this is impossible, but not with God; all things are possible.

When God is at work in my life anything is possible.

Rom. 15:13  May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.

Hope powers me up to live life!

Prov. 31:25  She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come.

I’m glad you have given me a sense of humor other wise I would have no sense at all!

Rev. 1:3  Blessed is the one who reads the words of this prophecy, and blessed are those who hear it and take to heart what is written in it, because the time is near.

Even though the world is in chaos, I can rest in the knowledge that God knows the end of the story.




Duncan Nalos is a Registered Clinical Counsellor  at  Counsel Me  in Abbotsford B.C. 
www.counselme.ca   dnalos@gmail.com   604-850-0250